just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
