I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
