I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
