Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
