I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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