I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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