happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
