census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
