census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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