I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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