Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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