i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize