oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
These tits shall not be calmed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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