my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
