she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
