it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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