Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
