I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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