i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
