Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
