Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
