My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
