She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
