he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
