first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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