Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
