So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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