I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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