I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
