I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
