Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
