all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
