apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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