I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
