Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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