worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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