Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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