WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
