We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
