I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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