I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
