he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
