Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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