you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
