my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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