I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk