Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1