my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
