I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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