I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
