So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
