One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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