So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
