that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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