I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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