well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
