Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I checked into jail on foursquare
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
