I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
