Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
