I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
