check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
