Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
