remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize