got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
