im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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