Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
