And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
