FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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