He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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