I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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