Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
