P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
