apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
