We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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