even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
