he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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