Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
