he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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