I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
