I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
