I wish I only lived at night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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