my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
