This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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