I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
