He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
