I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
