You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
