This girl is more easily done than said...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i dont even know how to be here
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
