Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
