I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
