i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
