i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
