im having a threesome with these popsicles
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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