Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
