How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
